The Excuse                                          
Andrew Smith

 
     "Quick, what colour are my eyes Mrs. Stewart?"
asked Adam, quickly and nervously.
     "Mr. Mintzer," bellowed the boss. "Where have you
been for the past three days?"
     "Well Mrs. Stewart, I don't know if you'd believe
me if I told you," said Adam,
looking away a little shy and embarased.
     "Oh? TRY me," replied Mrs. Stewart, crossing her
arms and looking down on the
engineer for BWM.
     "Well...ok. It all started like this:

     "I woke up the other day at 7:05 in the morning.
I struggled a bit getting out of bed,
but managed to nonetheless. I got dressed and made
myself some breakfast. It was a ham
and cheese omelet. I poured myself some orange juice,
but just as I was about to take a
sip, eight Ninjas appeared out of no where. They
started doing all their flips swinging
their weapons and making the usual noises. They
demanded that I give them my orange
juice, saying that it was actualy the reincarnation of
their leader from 500 years ago. I
gave them a funny look and downed my juice in one
gulp.
     They didn't seem to like that very much. They got
mad and started yelling at me in
what I would assume would be Japanese. One of them
pulled out some throwing stars and
threw several of them at me. They each flew past me
and struck my wall. I quickly pulled
one of them out and threw it into the group of ninjas.
It struck the short ninja on the left in
the leg. He went down clutching at his wound.
Distracted, the ninjas looked down at their
injured commrad. I took that time to get my keys and
run out from my apartment.
     I dashed down the hallway to the flight of
stairs. I ran down the three floors and made
my way outside. As soon as I got out in to the cold
morning air, I stopped to catch my
breath. Then all of a sudden I heard this loud
crashing noise, followed by several loud
thuds. I looked up and saw this giant T-rex heading my
way. It came out of the trees,
stepping over them and crushing others as if they were
mere sapplings. It opened its
mouth and let out a mighty roar. It's hot stinky
breath condensing in the fridgid morning
air to make a vapour, several car alarms going off in
the distance from the roar.
     At that point, I noticed that the Ninjas had
caught up with me. I quickly ran into the
basement to get to my car, but the Ninjas had seen me
and were already chasing after me.
I quickly pulled the keys from my pocket and was just
about to unlock the door, when a
throwing star suddenly stuck into the side of my car,
just inches away from my hand. I
looked up into the window to see the Ninjas
reflection. they were getting ready to strike,
their swords were drawn. Hurriedly, I unlocked the
door and got inside. I started the
ignition and the car came to life. I stepped on the
gas and I was off. I swerved to run over
the Ninjas and managed to hit three.
     I pulled out of the basement only to forget about
the T-rex. I swerved to the left just as
the massive foot came down over me. I didn't quite
make it, and the dinosaur took out
part of my trunk. Thankfully, it missed anything
vital. I sped off down the street, looking
up into my rearview mirror to see the Ninjas run from
the basement to chase after me,
only to run smack dab into the T-rex. The T-rex looked
down at the frightened Ninja
warriors scattering like roaches when the light is
turned on. I drove off as the T-rex was
making a meal of the largest Ninja. 

        "That's when I noticed I...I notice that I've
gathered quite the crowd in telling you
this story," said Adam, looking around at all of his
co-workers.
       "Yes, so have I. Keep going," said Mrs.
Stewart, her stone cold face showing  no sign
of contentment.
       "Well...um alright. So as I was saying, I was
driving away from this chaos. The T-rex
must have seen my car drive away because he finished
eating his tiny Ninja sushi and
began to chase after me. I drove up my street and then
turned right making my way up a
hill. I took a detour through the park. I figured that
the trees would slow it down, but it
would have proved to be a costly mistake. The T-rex
emerged from the trees sending
several of them toppling to the ground. One landed in
front of my car. I slamed right into
it, and it sent me flying out through the windsheild.
I--"
     "Tisk tisk, you should haved been wearing your
seat belt, Adam. You're lucky to still
be alive," said Simon from the back.
     "Ah. Yeah...Well, you see I...uh...I didn't have
the time to put it on when I first got in
the car, back in the basement of the apartment."
     "Ah. Ok then..."
     "As I was saying; 
     I flew threw the air and landed hard at the base
of  tree. The T-rex began to attack my
car, I guess it must have thought I was still in it.
The last thing I remember seeing before I
passed out was the car blowing up in the jaws of the
T-rex. When I came to, I found that
it was night time. I had a concussion, my face was
bleeding all over and my leg was
broken,"
     "So why don't we see those cuts on your face?"
asked Samuel
     "Yeah, and if your leg was broken, how come your
walking on it right now. It looks
just fine to me.  You've only been gone for three
days. It's imposible for a bone to heal in
that much time," said Eddie 
     "Well if you would let me finish my story," said
Adam his voice growing louder on
each word, " I would tell you."
     "Right, fine. Whatever."
     "So I'm laying on the ground, confused, bleeding,
in pain and worst of all, in the dark.
I figured that I could just pull myself up and hop
back to my apartment and from there
call for an ambulance, so I reached up and pulled
myself up. I was just about to support
myself on my leg when SNAP! My other leg breaks. I
fall to the ground, my knee bent the
other way. I cried out in pain trying not to look at
my leg. I know that walking is now out
of the question so I thought to myself that I had
better begin to crawl on my arms. It
would be a large challange, but I kept telling myself
that if I didn't do this, I was sure to
die. Somewhere in the distance wolves were howling up
at the full moon that shun
overhead. I looked ahead and told myself that that was
the way to go home, so I began
crawling."
     "Half an hour passed and I still was in the
woods. I looked back to see my car about
fifty meters away. I looked ahead and saw the fallen
T-rex minus one head. I crawled over
to it and found no blood, but I looked at the gapping
hole that was left at the shoulders to
see what was left of the head. What I saw shocked me,
inside the hole was metal. The
T-rex was a robot. It was a damned robot. I heard the
howling again, I looked left, then
right. That's when I saw the head of the T-rex. Sparks
were still flying out from some
wires. I looked down at my legs to see the I was still
losing blood so I began to crawl
faster. To the left of me I heard a twig snap. I
jerked my head around to see what was out
there, but all I only saw trees and darkness. Right
about then I was getting very cold and
afraid so I began to crawl again. Eventually I found
an end to the trees. I thought that that
was the road, but it was actually a clearing. I
crawled out into the moonlight to try and see
where I was and if there was a road near this
clearing. Another twig broke behind me and
again I turned to look and see what was behind me. I
saw a shadow.
     "Oh no...not a shadow," said Chris, laughing with
some other workers.
     Adam ignored their laughter and continued with
his story.
     "The thing with this shadow is that I had no idea
what it was."
     "It was your momma!" cried some one else from the
crowd.
     "At first, I didn't know what the shadow was, but
as it got closer I saw that it was a
woman. She stepped out into the clearing immersing
herself into the showering rays of
the moon. She looked at me with a gleam in her eyes.
She was happy about something,
but I couldn't quite make out what she was smiling at.
   As I lay there with my bloody, broken legs, the
woman came closer. Her smile had
changed. two white teeth poked out from her upper lip.
I looked up into her eyes only to
find that she wasn't looking at me, but up at the
moon. I opened my mouth to speak to
her, but I was too afraid. Slowly, she lowered her
gaize back down to me. Her eyes had
become a bright shade of yellow. She opened her mouth
to breathe and I could see all of
her sharp teeth. I orginaly thought that they were
just a pair of plastic teeth, but soon I
would learn that they were very real. But you know
what really got to me, it was her
breathing. It wasn't any normal breathing. No, it was
like listening to someone in pain. In
and out, in and out. It kept getting louder. She
looked up again and grimaced with her
eyes closed and her mouth open as if to let out a
silent scream. Her hands reached up to
her chest as if to rip off her clothes. As she did so,
I noticed that her hands were getting
hairy. Her fingers were growing short and stubby, her
nails were turning black as they
shrank with her fingers. Her thumbs began to travel up
her wrists as her hands were now 
becoming paws.
     "She started to hunch over as small popping
noises came from her spine where a tail
had begun to grow. She fell forward as her face began
to change. It was pushing out into a
muzzle. Her once human nose was now small and black.
Her face started  making all
these crunching sounds as her face jutted out into a
muzzle. She opened her mouth to let
out a cry, and I saw all of her dagger-like fangs
ready to tear into anything they could get
a hold of. Fine white whiskers sprouted out from
beside her face while her ears grew
pointed and began to navigate to the top of her head.
Her form now rested on hands that
more resembled dog's paws and a pair of running shoes.

     "The shoes didn't last long as they literally
exploded off her feet from all the pressure
built up from the swelling. I closed my eyes in a
reflex action, and when I had opened
them again, I saw that her feet had also undergone a
metamorphosis. Her toes were thick
at the tips and her nails had grown black, her heels
pointed up into  the air and she rested
on the balls of her feet. She arched her back and let
out a howl as fine grey hairs began to
sprout out from her flesh; her pants fell from her
legs as a mass of tattered rags. Most of
her body fat was now gone, it was replaced with the
liquid steel and muscle of a fine
timberwolf. Her tail was now bushy and swishing back
and forth. She turned her head and
looked at me, her lips raised in a snarl, drool
dripping down from her dark snout. I knew
that I should have run away when I had first seen her,
     "Moron, it's not like you could have run if you
had wanted to, your legs were broken,"
shouted someone else from the back.
     "But I felt as if I was glued to the spot. It was
like her transformation poured quick dry
cement over my already petrified feet. Never had I
thought that I coulld  ever see
something as breath taking as that. I had seen several
transformations on TV and in the
movies, but seeing this one in person didn't even come
close.
     "That would all change when I felt the moist,
hot, stinky breath on the back of my
neck. Slowly, I turned around and came face to face
with another wolf. It growled at me
with a menacing grin. Its yellow eyes gleaming in the
night. I tried to crawl away now,
truly experiencing fear. As I retreated, I bumped into
the woman who was now only
finishing her transformation. Snap! Another twig
broke. I turned yet again to find more
wolves.  I'm surrounded. I looked at the wolves that
had formed a tight circle around me.
They see me as their dinner, or rather a midnight
snack. Several of them had begun to
fight with each other, each wanting a piece of me. One
of the wolves steped forward. I
recognized this wolf as the woman from before. She
turned back around and let out
several barks and yaps to her back and the others stop
fighting. The next thing I knew,
they were all looking at me with their yellow glowing
eyes. One lunged out at me and I
tried to fight it away, but then another, and another,
and another, soon the whole pack was
ontop of me and I passed out.
     "Wow, they killed 'im," mocked Ryan from the
sides, laughing it up with about half
the group that hadn't left yet.
     "Shut up," said Adam, glaring at the annoying
pest.
     "Yeah whatever man. Werewolves... Oh no somebody
call Scooby-Do!"
     "I awoke the next day hanging up side down, my
head pounding as I dangled. I
couldn't move my arms nor my legs. To tell you the
truth, I didn't want to move them,
fearing what the wolves might have done to me. I
looked around wondering where I was.
I saw that my wrists and ankles were bound together to
a large pole. At either end of this
pole were two Ninjas. 'Oh great,' I thought to myself.
I quickly scanned the area looking
for the other Ninjas, not seeing any trace of them.
Then I started thinking of a way to
escape from this situation. As my mind was still
thinking of ideas, my mouth as thinking
of something else. 'Hey! I called out, 'Hey! Let me
the hell off this damned pole.'
     "The Ninjas stopped and looked down at me. They
dropped me down harshly onto my
back. They drew their swords and pointed them down at
me. One of them was pressed
tightly against my neck. 'You are responsible for the
death of our reincarnated leader and
several more of our soldiers. Now it's you who will
die!' shouted the Ninja with the sword
against my neck. 
    'Crap,' I thought to myself, 'I'm going to die
right here on this damned pole.' I began to
struggle, flexing my arms trying to free myself from
my captors.
     " 'Squirm all you want, your only making the
ropes tighter.'
     "He was right. The ropes began to dig deeply into
my flesh. My wrists burned with
pain from the ropes but I didn't care, I continued to
squirm. The Ninja on the left of me
struck the side of my head with the butt end of his
sword sheath. Believe me it hurt."
     "Yeah, not as much as this story hurts us," More
laughter. 
     Adam took a deep breath, closing his eyes and
continued with his story.
     "I turned my head towards the Ninja, made eye
contact and glared deep within his
soul. He let out a cry and took a few steps back
before running away. I turned my
attention to the other Ninjas, all but one reeled in
fear. I flexed my arms once again and
the ropes broke free. I reached forward and pulled on
either side of the ropes that bound
my ankles. I kept thinking to myself that standing on
my legs would ever be the most
painful thing I will ever experience, but I got up on
them anyways, maybe it was the
adrenaline running through my veins or maybe I was
unconscious for a lot longer than I
thought, but I stood straight and tall. I let out a
cry of seething angre, and I leaped out at
the one remaining Ninja tackling him hard to the
ground. The Ninja tried to fight back but
I placed my hands on either side of his head. I gave a
twist and --"
     "MR. MINTER! That is enough. No more of your
lies. That is the worst excuse ever.
Ninjas, reincarnated as orange juice?!? You get pissed
at us when we poke holes in your
story, but we can't help but do that because it's so
damned LAME. If there was a
stegosaurus-"
       "T-rex," corrected Adam.
       "WHATEVER! If there was a T-rex marching around
your block, don't you think that
there would be reports on the news! You probably got
so drunk the other night that you
passed out on the couch with the TV on. Werewolves
indeed."
     "But...but..." stammered Adam.
     "I don't want to hear it. You're fired!"
     "Yeah that was a lame story." 
     "Shut up, Steve!"
     "Quick what colour are my eyes?" mocked Mrs.
Stewart. "That was just...just...GAH!
That was so stupid that I can't even think of anything
to say."
     "Well what colour are my eyes?" asked Adam.
     "They're yellow, just like you wanted them to be
when you bought those contact
lenses."
     "But I don't wear contact lenses. I have glasses,
see?" said Adam lifting up his glasses
with a finger.
     "If those aren't contacts why...do...you have
yellow eyes?"
     "You tell me." said Adam, giving a sharp, pointed
fanged grin.
 
 
End